ZeroFat. Wouldn’t it be amazing to have zero fat. Ok obviously having no fat at all wouldn’t be great but a toned, thin physique is something I see on social media on a daily basis and something I want very badly.

I’m going to start this off by saying I hate exercise. Actually, despise is probably the more accurate term for how I feel about it. I just don’t get it. Whether it’s waking up at the crack of dawn to go for a run or pumping those muscles after work at the gym, I don’t want to do it. It’s hard and yeah I know about the whole “no pain, no gain” thing but I don’t care. I’d rather watch paint dry in an empty room for an hour than have to exercise. Walking is the only movement I moderately enjoy… as long as it’s on a non-inclined surface, in good weather and preferably I get to eat at the end. The fact is, exercise is a necessary evil of life and ZeroFat was the only way I was going to be persuade to be part of that lifestyle.

This sci-fi-esque machine combines low-impact cardio with breakthrough light therapy to help shed pounds fast. Offering an alternative to traditional exercise methods, it provides an effective private workout, regardless of your ability. Elevating your core temperature helps to burn up to 800 calories per session ultimately promoting fat breakdown. The infrared light also improves circulation, eliminating cellulite as well as stimulating collagen production. The benefits ZeroFat claims to provide is endless so in true ALoveAffairwithBeauty fashion I had to give it a try.

However, I’m going to tell you this now *spoiler alert*, I didn’t lose a single pound. Now, this isn’t because ZeroFat doesn’t work. Oh no, the reason I have maintained my weight is because I CAN’T CONTROL MY EATING. I love food. It’s what I base my whole life around but I knew that if I wanted to shed some pounds I needed to cut down on the carbs and sort out my diet.

When I signed up under my prosecco induced haze at a Harvey Nichols showcase event, I had every good intention. This was it! I was going to eat, drink and ZeroFat my way to a healthier slimmer me. I even bought one of those water bottles with the times on the side to remind me when to drink and hydrate.

So here I am, ten sessions later exactly the same weight as I was before. I could get upset but the fact I only had 1-2 sessions a week and managed to stay the same weight proves how well ZeroFat works. If you think I’m lying I’m going to take you through the highs and lows of my journey. There will be lots of moaning, important information and of course photos of food (I am a millennial after all!).

ZeroFat Session 1:

Ready for the new me, I entered the private room in my brand new sports bra and shorts. With ZeroFat the less you wear, the better the infrared lights can work their magic on your skin. At the end of the machine is a button, which once pressed gives you 30 seconds to get into place before the dome of lights move over the top. You can adjust the pedal distance and resistance throughout your 45 minute session and once over, it turns off and moves back to release you from the fiery hot depths of exercise hell.

It is hot! Real hot! During my first session I kept feeling something wet dripping on my side. Thinking the machine was leaking, it wasn’t until I looked down that I realised it was my own sweat trickling down from my fat rolls. Luckily I placed my towel along the chair as I’ve never sweated so much in my life and after the initial gross factor it motivated me to keep cycling and really burn those calories. I even started looking forward to the heat of the machine. Especially when the beast from the east hit and nothing I could do would warm me up. I’d come out of each session in a flimsy t-shirt like Ha! Look at all these suckers in coats and scarves while I’m still buzzing off my ZeroFat fire.

ZeroFat Session 2:

I finally settled on a routine of 15 mins at 50% resistance, followed by 15 mins at 40% and the final quarter at 30%. Keeping a constant speed of 10-12km/h I was burning over 700 calories per session. This is where things started to go downhill for me. As I’m trying not to die from the heat, I’m putting all my thought into how much 700 calories is worth. That’s a decent sized pizza, a Big Mac for sure, never mind some curly fries covered in cheese. That evening the first of my ZeroFat meals began.

The next few sessions passed uneventfully except for frozen pizzas, burgers laden with mayonnaise and chips with sriracha mayo. Oh and wine.

ZeroFat Session 6:

This was a traumatic session for me. It was after work and it had been a long day. Every day at work is a long day but this one had been particularly busy. The person before me had also taken longer than her session so I needed to be quick and not be that nob who ran into the next hour. Also because I’d burned over 700+ calories previously, I was reluctant to let that slide and pushed myself when I was already exhausted.

After my 45 minutes was complete, I had 5 minutes to wipe myself down and shove on my clothes. I felt dizzy the moment I stood up but told myself to suck it up. Next thing I know, I’m sitting in the Harvey Nichols spa foyer with my head between my legs trying not to faint! It was quite cringey and I was thankful I hadn’t thrown up in HN otherwise I’d have been too mortified to go back! From that session onwards, I told myself to only cycle as much as my body could handle.

ZeroFat Session 7-10:

I reduced the resistance to 30% for the whole 45 minutes and kept at a steady pace. Sometimes I’d hit my target of 700 calories, others would be in the 600 range. Still the sweat flowed and still I continued to shove my face with takeaways and booze nearly every night.

By session 8, I’d also ditched my fancy ensemble after forgetting it one session and proceeded to cycle away in my primark undies. Ever the classy person I know. My final session was the easiest of all. I’d accepted my lack of will power with food and decided to sod it all and go big. I had a quick breakfast of two chocolate twists and devoured a bowl of creamy cheesy pasta for lunch straight after. Yolo.

ZeroFat – MaintainFat

Yeah… so that was my ZeroFat experience. I lost no weight at all but as you can see I went well overboard on food. The sessions are expensive (£25 each and I believe they are about to increase) but I do think it can be an effective weight-loss solution. I can see how these sessions can be easily fitted into a busy lifestyle and those of us who are adverse to exercise. My skin is less bumpy and my thighs are a lot more toned. I’ve definitely built up my stamina and strength in my legs. It is very warm but as long as you have water (they supply bottles as well) the heat is tolerable. Having my sessions in the morning helped as well since I was fresh and ready to take on the day. If I ever save up enough money I would book in for another course but this time do it properly. Well I said that the first time but c’est la vie!

I’m off to have a pizza,

Beauty Bazaar exercise Harvey Nichols Lifestyle Secret Rendezvous zerofat